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Some things are valid, even when we don’t understand them.Queeries We Demand: 50 years after our first major rights rally, this is what queer Canadians say we need today Tell him how hot you think he is, and that you’d like to make slow love to him. Walk across the room, and ask the old man if you can buy him a drink. You may feel further marginalized in a group that is already socially marginalized, but you’re not screwed up or confused. So, if you find yourself feeling sexually aroused by that grandpa across the room, you’re not unique. Young gay men’s attraction to older men may be innate, too. Yet enough philosophers and scientists agree that it is no longer just a fringe view. But if so, it is programmed onto a character structure that was most likely set by nature.Įveryone does not accept the view that this is registered in us. Perhaps the attraction between younger and older men is imprinted during a developmental window.
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Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher “A man can do what he wants but not want what he wants.” What we want is programmed into our nature. The sexual attraction is determined by a combination of factors that are beyond our control. The younger man faces higher risks of this heartbreak, but as one younger man said, “You know going in that’s part of the deal.”
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In any relationship, life circumstances can hurtle one into the role of caregiver. Hayes describes the mutual love they felt for each other, and the tenderness and commitment they felt for each other as Sacks was dying of cancer. Oliver Sacks were nearly forty years apart in age. This moving memoir is about how Hayes fell in love with a much older, closeted man. Insomniac City: New York, Oliver, and Me, a book by writer and photographer Bill Hayes, positively depicts intergenerational couples.
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We just never think about it or discuss it. After 33 years together, our age difference has rarely been a consideration. When I realized that I am in an age-discrepant relationship, I was gobsmacked. Many are quite independent, and their financial security exceeds that of the older men. These younger men particularly resent the criticism that they’re looking for someone to take care of them. It infuriates men in age-gap, gay relationships. I now recognize this as a hackneyed idea. And a younger man who is looking for a sugar daddy. He has the money to take care of his boy toy. I held stereotypical views: an older gay man who was looking for a trophy-mate. Initially, I was unconvinced these relationships were serious. But correlations sometimes lead to hypotheses that can be tested.Īnd there is always this caveat: Correlations do not prove causation. In fact, topics like this rarely are researched. No research has been done to support these hypotheses. While these observations are purely anecdotal and subjective, the comments resonated with comments I’ve often heard from others. The younger men tend to be more traditionally masculine than their gay contemporaries who are attracted to men their own age.Younger men have more interest in sports than their partners and their gay contemporaries who are attracted to men their own age.These younger men prefer older men with endomorphic bodies (belly fat, strong bones, and sturdy thighs).Tom, and his friends who like older men, reached a consensus: Tom and I originated our correspondence after he and his friends had been discussing age as a factor in sexual orientation and attraction. I began to study age-discrepant, same-sex couples while researching my book.